The lies we tell ourselves
by Austen01
Summary: This was written for the Swan Queen week over on tumblr. Day 6 prompt:Truth serum. A year after the events of the season 3 finale, Hook has had enough of waiting for Emma to admit her feelings for him and takes matters into his own hands. He doesn't quite get the result he was hoping for.


**A/N A massive thank you to Erin and Gilda for their amazing Beta work on this! You guys are excellent! Any mistakes left in are all my own. :)**

**Rated M for some bad language.**

**The lies we tell ourselves**.

Granny's diner was full. Practically the whole town had gathered together to celebrate baby Neal's first birthday party. The heat from the kitchen and the close press of bodies had steamed up the windows against the cold air outside, making it hard for Emma to make out anyone in particular from her seat out front. Except Henry. She could pick out where he was from the fading hand marks smeared across the glass as he watched for her.

It wasn't that she didn't want to go in, she did. Eventually. She just needed a few more minutes.

The air was crisp; sharp enough to push through the layers of her clothes and leave a layer of goosebumps on her skin. She liked it..it made her focus on something other than what was on her mind. What was always on her mind these days.

Or should that be who?

Regina sat next to Henry in the booth, her outline unmistakable to Emma even through the blurred glass. Maybe it was the regal set of her posture or the way she always lowered her head to talk to Henry that made her stand out, or maybe it was the fact the Emma's eyes always found her, no matter how large the crowd. Either way, Regina was always the first thing she saw.

The days where she shied away from family occasions like this had long since passed and she'd been happy, eager even, to finish work and get here tonight. But when she'd arrived and spotted Henry and Regina through the glass it had stopped her in her tracks. Her son was almost as tall as Regina now, huddled together in a booth as they were, across from Emma's Mom and Dad, and it suddenly hit her, how close she had come to losing all of this.

How close they had come to having the old rivalries fully restored because of another heartbreaking betrayal.

The time after Neal's birth was painful for them both; after Emma had returned from the past with Marian in tow. Her bleeding heart had caused anguish to someone she cared about, and it had taken her a long time to reconcile the fact that she would do it all over again, with the fact that she hated herself a little for what it had cost Regina.

It had been a month before Regina would even look at her.

And Emma knew that because she had tried so many times during that month to talk to Regina, to get _any_ kind of reaction from the other woman beyond the blankness that had descended after that emotional day in the diner.

Regina was hiding. From her, from the town...from Henry. And when Robin and his reunited family had left Storybrooke after a few days, claiming he had a 'new beginning', all it had felt like from Emma's point of view was a bitter end. The end of Regina's happiness, the end of Regina looking at her with something close to trust...the end of their tentative friendship.

It took Emma sixteen days until she broke. Sixteen days until she'd pounded on the mansion door late one night, feeling brave after one too many beers and too exhausted from lack of sleep to have the sense to let Regina be. She'd stumbled through some clumsy apologies, completely unnerved by the lack of reaction from the queen who had sworn a lifetime of vengeance against the last member of Emma's family who'd crossed her. Emma had expected anger, she would have welcomed it even, but this echo of Regina, this shadow...wasn't something Emma could fight.

So she'd gone home. Hoping that maybe all Regina needed, was time.

It was several more months before Regina actually spoke to her, and even that had only come when Henry had decided he'd had enough of answering her not so stealthy questions about Regina's well being. He'd pushed away from their small dining room table with a sigh, calling loudly over his shoulder as he grabbed his coat from its hook by the door, '_If you wanna know how Mom is, call her! I'm going to spend time with the baby...he makes way more sense than you guys.'_

So she had. She'd called her. And after five of the longest, most awkward minutes of her life she'd put down the phone again, more determined than ever to get back to how they used to be.

No, their relationship had never been anything close to perfect, but at least it was something she understood. This fractured, bruised version of the former queen was too much for Emma to contend with. It hurt to look at her. In ways that she couldn't bring herself to question too deeply.

She had come away from that phone call more hopeful than she had been in months. Regina hadn't hung up on her. Yeah, okay, she hadn't exactly been chatty either; a few terse words punctuated by some exasperated sighs, and Emma had practically been able to hear Regina's eye twitching through the phone line, but it was a start. And that had been all Emma had needed. Because if there was one thing Emma knew about herself, it was that she could be the most stubborn ass in the world if she needed to be.

So she'd made a plan. Treated it like any other trace and trap operation she'd run in her old life. She 'accidently' ran into Regina at the diner and made small talk about the weather. She changed her workout routine so that she passed the bench Regina favored on the jetty and always stopped to talk, even if she was the only one doing any talking in the beginning. Basically, she was everywhere Regina was. It had been easy really...Regina liked order, she had a schedule, and that meant Emma always knew where and when to strike.

And they had slowly, sometimes glacially, pulled their way back from the brink of oblivion. It had been the hardest Emma had worked for anything in her life. But had been worth it.

It had been on that bench by the water six months previously, where they had finally talked about what had happened, and finally made their peace.

***Six months earlier.***

Emma had long since given up all pretense of running into Regina by the water on her jog by that point. Instead she turned up with a coffee for each of them and two bear claws, acting surprised every time when Regina refused the sweet snack and happily tucking into it herself.

"You are nothing if not annoyingly consistent," Regina said, rolling her eyes and waving away the proffered pastry.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment," Emma replied, the words muffled around a large bite of 'Regina's' snack.

Regina arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "How on earth is that a compliment, dear?"

"Hey, I heard the word consistent in there...I'm claiming it," Emma shrugged. "We've been doing this for a while now, huh? Meeting here?"

"We do not _meet_," Regina felt the need to point out. "I come here...and you follow me. I believe in some places it would be termed stalking."

Emma laughed. "Maybe you should go see the Sheriff about that."

"Hmm," Regina mused, brushing at imaginary crumbs on her lap. "I somehow doubt that she would be sympathetic to my plight."

"Me too," Emma grinned, as she balled up the takeaway bag and threw it towards a nearby bin, frowning as it hit the rim and bounced onto the wooden floor. She jumped up, picking it up and throwing it in with extra oomph for daring to break her winning streak of four straight baskets that week. "So...same time tomorrow? You come, I follow...and you can pretend you hate everything about it. Sound good?" Emma stuffed her hands into the back pocket of her jeans as she smiled back at Regina.

"Fine." Regina sighed dramatically, her mouth twitching up at the corner.

"Okay then," Emma pulled her hands out and clapped them together once. "I'll drop Henry by after school, alright?" She didn't even wait for a reply, already pulling the keys to the cruiser from her jacket pocket as she turned to leave, because it was always alright. This was their routine. And Emma liked it.

"Emma, wait!" Regina called to her retreating back. "I don't, you know."

Emma turned, more than a little confused. "Don't what?"

"I don't hate this." Regina waved her hand over the bench.

Emma laughed then. "I know, Regina. I was just joking."

"I don't hate you either." Regina said pointedly, watching Emma carefully as the blonde winced at the words. "You did the right thing. I may have been...angry, but deep down I knew that." Regina turned away, her eyes somewhere out on the vast expanse of water and said softly, "They were a family."

"Doesn't mean I'm not sorry that I hurt you," Emma replied honestly, hoping that Regina could see how sincere she was.

"I know that you're sorry." Regina nodded, her mouth curving up into a smile. "Why else would you keep offering me those ridiculous pastries?"

Emma smiled back widely, her heart still stuttering in her chest from the turn this conversation had taken. "One day, even if it's years from now, Regina...I'm gonna get you to try one of those, you know that, right?"

Regina shook her head and laughed, making Emma's grin even wider than before. "You can certainly try, dear."

***Present day***

Emma blinked rapidly at the memory, her eyes misting over slightly with tears that she swiped at with the back of her hand. She didn't want to be caught outside crying like a kid at a birthday party. She needed a drink, or several. Emma, pushed herself up from the chair with a deep breath. It was time to face the throng anyway.

* * *

...

"Hey," Emma greeted Ruby as she pushed through the door, frowning at the blast of humid air that hit her full force. Maybe her self imposed exile out front hadn't been such a good idea; she could already feel the sweat gathering on the back of her neck, the hair there getting uncomfortably heavy.

"Hi," Ruby answered with a grin, depositing two full plates on the dwarves table. "I'll catch up with you later, okay?" she called over her shoulder as she hurried back into the kitchen to retrieve the rest of the order.

"Yeah, sure," Emma waved her away with a smile. With the place this busy Granny would be working Ruby extra hard tonight.

"Emma!" Snow cried warmly, standing up to wave when she spotted her daughter slowly making her way through the throng to their table.

"Hi, Mom." Emma leaned in to give Snow a one armed hug, mindful of her little brother in her Mom's arms. "This place is packed, huh?"

"People like to have something to celebrate," Snow replied with a smile, settling Neal more firmly onto her hip as Emma released her.

"People like free food," Regina snarked from her seat, smiling slyly when Snow gave an indignant huff.

"Well I like both of those things." Emma said quickly, motioning for Regina to make room and dropping herself into the leather seat of the booth, grinning when the dark haired woman rolled her eyes and reluctantly moved over.

"You're late. Which is hardly surprising, your inability to tell time is probably only surpassed by your fondness for flannel." Regina said quietly into Emma's ear when everyone went back to their conversations around them.

"Very funny, Regina." Emma barely turned her head. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you were getting a little antsy being here with my parents without me as a go between."

"And if _I_ didn't know any better I would say that you have been sitting outside for the last half hour, thinking of half assed excuses for why you couldn't make it tonight," Regina fired back, her lips curling upwards at Emma's stunned expression. "For future reference, stealth really doesn't seem to be your forte."

"Hey! I have stealth!" Emma hissed. "I can be the stealthiest if I wanted to be."

"Yes...I'm sure you were voted most likely to be stealthy in high school," Regina replied calmly. "What's the catalyst for tonight's appearance of all things covert?"

"I have my reasons," Emma grumbled, groaning audibly when the door to the diner opened and Hook stepped inside. "One of which just walked through the door."

Regina followed her line of sight. "Oh good, fishstick has arrived."

Emma nudged her elbow gently against Regina's arm resting on the table. "Be nice, Regina."

"This _is_ me being nice, Emma. Me being not nice is much less cutting remark...much more fireball."

"Yeah, well...save the fireball until we need to light the candles on the birthday cake, okay?" Emma said under her breath, unable to fully hide her grin as Hook finally approached their table.

"Good evening," Hook tilted his head. "Something funny, ladies?"

"Several things," Regina smiled up at him, wide and fake. "Many of them to do with your outfit."

"Regina!" Emma's elbow shot out again. "Ignore her, she gets crabby on days ending in a 'Y'."

Regina didn't miss a beat, narrowing her eyes and fixing Emma with a steely glare, only the mischievous gleam in her eyes letting the blonde know that she was teasing as she sniped back, "_She_ gets even crabbier when repeatedly physically attacked. Mind your elbows, dear, or that fireball will be making an early appearance."

"I'll go get the fire extinguisher," Emma laughed, enjoying the back and forth that had always existed between them. It was only when she heard a discreet cough that she remembered that Hook was still standing there, a strange look in his eye as he glanced between the two women.

"Swan, I was hoping that maybe we could talk," He said seriously, after a few seconds.

"Tonight?" Emma squeaked, and then cleared her throat, embarrassed at the high pitch of her voice.

"I think perhaps we have put it off long enough, don't you?"

Regina lifted herself from her seat, touching one hand onto Emma's shoulder. "That's our cue to leave, I think, excuse me, Emma. Henry?" She called, grabbing her son's attention from his conversation with his Grandfather. "Would you like to come get another disgustingly sugary drink with me?"

"Sure," Henry said with a grin, reminding Regina so much of when he'd been a small boy.

"_No_!" Emma said a little too loudly, causing a few people to turn around. Emma blushed as she stood up alongside Regina and ran her fingers distractedly through her hair. "Um...I mean, we'll all go. We'll all do that together, okay. Family occasions are for spending time with each other so...so let's go do that." Emma looked straight at Hook. "Everything else can wait."

"Swan..." Hook began, tugging frustratedly at his beard.

"No...I said it can wait," Emma replied firmly, her tone leaving no room for negotiation.

When Hook raised his hands in defeat Emma sidled out of the booth, making room for Regina to step out. "Let's go, someone promised me sugar," Emma said, waving one hand and trying to hurry the other woman along when Regina made no move to follow, her dark eyes studying Emma seriously.

It seemed to do the trick. Regina sighed witheringly and bent to pick up her purse. "I promised you no such thing."

"No take backs." Emma called, throwing her arm around Henry's shoulder as he came level with her and pulling him towards the counter behind Regina.

Hook watched them go. An acid swirl of jealousy leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. He couldn't stand this, this limbo they had fallen into as of late. Yes, he and Emma had shared a few kisses here and there over the last year, but he was hard pressed to remember when the last one had been. The weather had been a damn sight warmer he knew that for certain. It was the hope that was killing him. The dream of a life. No, this couldn't continue.

It had to be tonight.

He dropped his good hand to his pocket, finding the small pouch of fine powder hidden carefully within and flicked his eyes slyly around the room until he found what he was looking for.

"I do like a nice glass of punch." He murmured to himself with a wry chuckle. "Bottoms up!"

...

Emma relaxed back into the booth, her eyes lazily skimming the crowd. She liked to people watch, always had. It had been part of her job for so long that she couldn't switch it off now if she tried.

Her Dad, Hook and Neal were at the counter, happily sampling all of the food Granny had laid out for the party. David carefully pulling the babies hands away whenever he tried to stick his tiny little fingers into any of the dishes.

Regina was in the corner, looking as relaxed as she had for a while as she chatted with Tinkerbell. The small fairies hands were moving animatedly as told her tale, and Regina smiled fondly at her.

Henry was in the bathroom. Again. She didn't know why that kid insisted on drinking so many drinks, it wasn't like he could hold it in for any length of time.

And her Mom...was everywhere. Flitting between all of the different tables and groups, making sure everyone was having a good time.

Which left her mercifully alone for the first time all evening.

She should have known it was too good to last.

"Emma!" Ruby slapped the table as she approached, shaking Emma out of her relaxed state of mind with a jolt.

"_Jesus_, Rubes!" Emma grumbled. "A little warning next time, huh?"

"Sorry," Ruby grinned, proving that she wasn't sorry at all. "I need to talk to you."

"Ruby!" Snow called warmly, stopping the waitress from explaining further. "Did you give up on skirts altogether and just come to work in your underwear?"

"Mom!" Emma spluttered, her hand shooting up in a vain effort to keep the sip of coke that she'd just taken actually in her mouth.

Snow for her part looked positively mortified. "Ruby, I'm _so_ sorry," she stumbled, her eyes wide and startled. "I...I don't know what came over me; I really didn't mean to say that."

"Out loud, you mean?" Ruby raised an eyebrow, her hand falling onto her hip.

Again Snow flushed bright red. "Well..."

"It's okay, Snow." Ruby reached out and took her best friends hand. "It actually makes sense...I wasn't sure before, but now I'm certain of it. I think something's wrong here."

"Wrong?" Emma muttered, still wiping herself down with a napkin. "Wrong how? Granny catch you giving away free waffles again?"

"Emma, I'm serious," Ruby said. "I just overheard Archie telling Whale that he thought he was a duplicitous narcissist with a God complex...and that he's been deliberately overcharging him for their sessions."

Emma's eyes shot up from the wet spot on her shirt. "Yeah, okay that _is_ weird, but..."

"Granny told me that I'm a good worker and that she's very proud of me," Ruby carried on. "And neither of us was in a life threatening situation. It just popped out of her mouth when I asked for more grilled cheese sandwiches."

"Again...weird," Emma conceded.

"And then there's your Mom and her word vomit about my clothes," Ruby finished with a flourish of her hand.

Snow turned to her daughter, her neck still red and blotchy, her eyes large and sincere. "I really, _really_ had no intention of saying that, Emma. I just couldn't stop it from coming out. I had no control over it."

"Okay," Emma stood up, patting Snow's arm comfortingly. "Alright. So what are we dealing with here?"

Ruby raised one hand. "Given who we all are and where we live...I'm gonna vote magic."

"What, like a spell?" Emma asked with a frown.

"Maybe...I don't know." Snow replied, "But there's someone who will."

"_Regina_!" Emma said in a rush, when she realized who Snow was talking about.

"I'm jealous of her hair." Snow whispered softly and then quickly slapped her hand over her mouth. "Oh God, whatever this is, it needs to stop, and it needs to stop now!"

"That's...um yeah, I totally agree." Emma shook her head. "Er, you wait here...you might say something you regret, okay?"

Snow swiftly nodded her head and headed off to find her husband and tell him what was happening.

Emma made her way over to where Regina was standing talking to Tinkerbell. "Excuse me," she said, nodding briefly to the small blonde as she grabbed Regina's wrist. "Regina, can I talk to you for a second?" She jerked her hand, pulling the brunette over to a quieter corner of the diner and away from prying ears.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Regina snapped, glancing around to see if anyone was watching before snatching back her hand.

"I _really_ need to talk to you."

"What about? Your appalling lack of manners...not to mention respect for personal space?" Regina griped, looking down pointedly to where Emma was stood, barely an inch away.

Emma stepped back quickly. "Sorry. I'm sorry...I didn't mean to do that. That wasn't what I wanted to...God, you smell good tonight! Not that you don't always smell good, you do...very good in fact. I just meant that..."

"_Emma_!"

"Right...focus, got it. _Not_ what I wanted to talk to you about." Emma shook her head.

"And what _did_ you want to talk to me about?" Regina pressed, rapidly losing her patience for this game.

"About the fact that I'm pretty sure Archie won't have any patients left soon...and my Mom practically called Ruby a whore." Emma hissed, trying desperately to keep her voice down. "Plus she loves your hair," she blurted out as an after thought.

"_What_?" Regina's eyebrows shot upwards before she took a step closer to Emma, carefully lowering her voice. "What the _hell_ are you talking about? Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm not _drunk_!" Emma bit out sharply. "I barely had like two glasses of that god-awful punch my Mom made...and if you ever tell her I said that, I'll...ohhh," Emma trailed off, her eyes scanning rapidly around the room, taking in all the empty glasses of Snow's 'famous' fruit punch laying discarded on the tables, and several people happily filling more from the half empty glass bowl on the counter.

"You'll what?" Regina asked icily, bristling at Emma's tone and oblivious to the blondes revelation. "What exactly will you do?"

"It's the punch!"

"What's the punch?" Regina asked, exasperated. "What are you babbling about?"

"Regina, something is wrong. I think someone spiked the punch with some kind of truth spell because people are spilling their guts left, right and center...and it's not pretty," Emma gestured to the busy diner. "I think the whole 'you smell good' portion of this conversation should tell you exactly _how_ not pretty."

"Indeed." Regina arched one eyebrow. "And why did you want to talk to me? Wait...do you think _I_ had something to do with this?!" she asked incredulously.

"What? No!" Emma looked genuinely shocked at the accusation, setting Regina's mind instantly at ease. "Regina, no...I don't think that." Emma carried on. "And since I already told you that I've been drinking the punch, I guess you'll just have to believe me."

"I would have believed you anyway." Regina admitted, her eyes widening when she realized what she had said.

"Oh..." Emma said, watching her thoughtfully.

Regina squirmed under the scrutiny, her fingers clutching together tightly in front of her. "I drank the punch too." she said after a moment or two, unable to take it anymore.

"Oh...right," Emma nodded, still looking at her curiously. "Anyway, I was wondering if there was any way to trace this thing back to whoever did it?"

"Hmm...perhaps. Magic sometimes leaves a trace," Regina said slowly, her mind already spinning with possibilities as she made her way over to the punch and waved her hand over the bowl, using her power to call forth any remnants of magic from the liquid.

The bolt of light that shot out from the bowl took everyone by surprise, even Emma...and she had been half expecting something to happen. What she hadn't been expecting was the light shooting forward and stopping dead, pulsing and glowing behind Hook's head as he sat at the counter.

"Son of a bitch!" Emma swore, her fingers clenching into fists at her sides.

"Eloquently put, dear." Regina chuckled wryly from Emma's side, though her sharp eyes remained firmly on the pirate.

Emma barely heard her, she was already striding across the diner, the packed crowd parting before as she walked like the Red Sea.

"What did you do?!" Emma growled, grabbing Hook's chair and viciously spinning him around. "Killian, what the fuck did you do?

Hook at least had the good grace to look sheepish as he swatted ineffectually at the light hovering just above his head. "Ah, just a misunderstanding...more of a magical mishap really, it will wear off in a few hours."

"_Hook_!"

Hook deflated in his chair. "I just wanted the truth about your feelings."

"So you drugged me?!" Emma practically screeched. "What the _hell_ were you thinking? Never mind, don't answer that, because you can't have been thinking at all!" When it looked like Hook would start talking again she waved him off. "I can't even deal with you right now!"

"Does that mean everyone? All of us?" David asked from his place at Hook's side, his arm slung protectively over Snow's shoulder.

Henry raised his hand from behind his Grandparents. "Not me. I didn't drink the punch."

"Okay, good. That's good." Emma reached over and clasped him on the shoulder. "But everyone else?"

The silence that had fallen over the room when the bolt of light shot towards Hook broke then, a wall of noise spreading like a wave as everyone tried to be heard at once.

Ruby rolled her eyes and hoisted herself up to sit on the counter top, letting out a long, piercing whistle as she went.

"Alright, listen up!" She called out firmly, holding up her red pen. "I want you all to tell me what color this pen is...but I want you to lie. Tell me it's blue...tell me it's the color of Granny's favorite bloomers, I don't care, just don't say red. Got me?" When everyone nodded she looked satisfied. "Okay, here we go. What color is this pen?"

The voices rose again, only this time a large portion of people realized that they hadn't been able to lie and looked around worriedly.

"Aww _come_ on! Seriously?" Emma groaned loudly.

"We can't lie." Snow slowly shook her head.

"This isn't so bad, right?" Emma glanced around at all the worried faces. "It's not like some of the other stuff we've faced...end of the world stuff. This is okay, right?" When no one answered Emma tried again. "Right?"

"Alright, settle down!" Granny clapped her hands together to get everyone's attention. "Everyone come get a piece of my homemade pie, while we get this all figured out."

"I..I don't really like your pie. It bloats me." Grumpy held up his hand from somewhere in the back.

"Oh, Jesus," Ruby sighed, rolling her eyes upwards. "Here we go."

"Oh yeah? Well I don't think you need my pie to help you with that. Wouldn't kill you to lose a few pounds, buddy!" Granny blustered, pushing her shirt sleeves up to the elbows and heading towards the dwarf.

"Swan?" Hook grasped Emma by the elbow as she turned towards the trouble, pulling her to one side.

"Look, now is not the time." Emma tugged her arm free, ignoring the flash of hurt that flickered across the pirates face. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"I think that _now_ is exactly the right time."

"No!" Emma shouted struggling to be heard over the din of Granny and Grumpy's argument. "It's not! _God_, you are so irresponsible...all the time. Do you not even see what you've done here? This is exactly why I can't see myself being with you!"

Emma could see the hurt written plainly on his face and she wished almost immediately that she could take it back. But, she supposed that was the point of his whole scheme. Getting the truth.

"Do you not feel the same way that I do?" Hook asked, already knowing in his heart what the answer would be.

"No. I'm sorry, Killian," Emma said quietly, hoping to soften the blow. "I care about you, I do...

"Just not enough," Hook finished for her.

"No," Emma whispered, her mind spinning at what she was about to admit. "Just not the way I feel about...Regina." Emma had closed her eyes when she said the other woman's name, unwilling to watch the fallout.

She heard several loud gasps following her admission, not least a loud, shocked one from her Mother, but she could pick out Regina's soft exhalation from behind her above them all.

It seemed every part of Emma was focused on the other woman, all the time, and she wondered how on earth it was that she was only recently coming to terms with that fact.

Emma opened her eyes and turned around to face her. "Regina," she said softly, scared that if she raised her voice the startled looking woman would bolt.

Which is exactly what Regina did.

She pushed her way through the staring crowd as quickly as she could, never once looking back.

It took Emma sixteen seconds before she followed her.

Ruby jumped down from the countertop, patting Hook patronizingly on the chest as she landed. "That was _really_ embarrassing for you."

"Yes, thank you." Hook grimaced. "I am aware of that."

"Maybe it's the combination of your vague fishy aroma and the leather that put her off?" Ruby pondered with a smile. "Every time you walk by me I get a craving for surf & turf."

"Thank you for your input on the situat...wait, you didn't even drink the punch, did you?"

"No, I did not." Ruby threw her apron over her shoulder and sashayed away from the spluttering pirate.

...

"_Holy shit!_ How the hell do you do that in those heels?" Emma breathed raggedly, clutching at her side when she caught up with Regina four blocks later. "Is there like a class you took or something? I would've been on my ass about two blocks back."

"I don't doubt it." Regina snapped but didn't slow her stride. "Why are you following me?"

"Because you left," Emma said. "It's kinda how it works. You leave, I follow."

"How very puppy-like of you. But we have nothing to discuss, Miss Swan."

"Ouch. Okay, that hurt." Emma stopped abruptly, pulling Regina to a standstill too. "Which, obviously I would not normally admit to you. But yeah, since I don't have much of a choice with that right now...it did. It hurt. It's been a while since you called me that, you know?" Emma pointed out. "Almost six months, I think."

Regina's face remained a blank mask. "As impressed as I am by your ability to count, is there a point to all of this?"

"I just..." Emma stuttered. "You should come back to the diner. At least until we have this thing figured out."

"And what, exactly, is there to _figure_ out?" Regina asked, sarcasm laced through her voice. "Your would be boyfriend drugged everyone to get you to admit to having feelings for him. I think it's perfectly clear that your taste in men leaves a lot to be desired. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"Regina, wait!" Emma moved in front of Regina, stopping her from leaving. "I'm sorry. Okay? I never meant for that to happen. I actually never meant to say _any_ of that out loud..." She shrugged. "...pretty much ever."

"Then don't say anymore. Go back to the diner and we can simply forget that this ever happened."

"I think that dream went out the window a while ago now, Regina. The whole town heard me back there. Things can't be unsaid."

Regina looked almost scared. "No...they can't. So please..._please_, don't say anything more."

"Like I said, not really an option at this point. I don't have much choice." Emma plowed on, the tide of things she wanted to say to Regina threatening to overwhelm her. "It wouldn't make any sense...you and me," she began, watching Regina closely for any signs that she might try to run again. But Regina stayed where she was, her eyes dark and intense under the light from the street lamps. "We fight, we antagonize the crap out of each other. And yeah, we've been getting along much better lately, but even now, after everything we've been through, I'll say something just because I know it'll get a rise out of you. You get this look in your eye, and I've never been sure if it's lust or loathing. So I keep doing it, hoping that I'll finally be able to figure it out." Emma couldn't hold in the disbelieving laugh that bubbled up in her throat. "And I'm saying all this out loud...God!"

Emma took a cautious step closer. "Sometimes, people do things out of fear, they make decisions that are safe. They justify it as being rational. Being realistic. But it's fear. Fear that they'll get it wrong, that they'll mess it up and end up disappointing everyone. I've been doing that...for a long time. Maybe you have too, I don't know, I just..." Emma reached out one hand and placed it on Regina's arm, taking comfort in the fact that it wasn't snatched away. "I'm done with it. I'm done being afraid. I hurt you...I'm 'the savior', I'm supposed to give people their happy endings...and all I did was hurt you so badly that you couldn't even look at me, Regina."

"Please stop this," Regina whispered, finally taking back her arm and clutching it tightly around her stomach.

But Emma couldn't stop, all of her truths were clawing to be free. "And I don't know what to do with the fact that part of me is glad that I did it. Part of me is glad that I don't have to see you with that guy. Not because I didn't want you to be happy, I did...I do!" Emma rushed to explain. "But because I didn't have to see you be happy with somebody that wasn't me. Which is selfish, and cruel, I know that...and it's something that I've been struggling with every day for the last year, Regina. It's been killing me!"

"I can't hear this." Regina choked out, her eyes brimming with tears. Unable to look at Emma any more, she turned her back on the blonde. "I can't."

"No one says my name like you!" Emma called after her desperately, her feet already following after Regina like they had a mind of their own. "When I was kid, I'd lie awake at night thinking about what it would be like, with a mom and dad...a family. I wanted to have that so much, to hear them say my name. And now I have them, and they say it with so much _love_ I can feel it through every part of me." Emma clutched at her chest, tears running freely over her cheeks now. "It feels amazing. Safe."

She jogged forward, stepping in front of Regina once more. "But when _you_ say it..." Emma took a deep breath, her mouth suddenly dry. "I feel nervous...alive. Like maybe something wonderful is coming...or you know...something terrible, because that happens a lot around here too."

"Names have power, right?" Emma asked, holding up her hands to stop any chance that Regina might reply. Not that the other woman tried. She merely stood rigidly rooted to the spot, midnight eyes still shimmering with unshed tears.

"I know they do, I hear it when you say mine," Emma said. "Not 'Miss Swan', not 'Sheriff'. Just my name, just Emma. Like it means something, like it's important...like _I'm_ important."

"Emma." Regina breathed, emotion coloring every syllable.

"Yeah, kinda like that." Emma laughed, swiping hurriedly at her eyes.

"You are important." Regina answered, her hands knotted so tightly in front of her that the knuckles were white. "Y..you are Henry's other mother."

The air left Emma's lungs so quickly that she almost stumbled and a pain so fierce that she could barely contain it echoed its way around heart. "Is that it, Regina?" she asked brokenly, her voice rough. "Because in case you haven't noticed...I'm laying it all out on the line here for you. Is that all I am to you?"

"Yes." Regina dropped her eyes, unable to look into the vivid green of Emma's. The first tear finally fell onto her cheek when she heard the blondes choked sob. "Yes, that's all that you are," she repeated, even quieter than before. "I'm sorry."

She didn't look back as she walked away, her heels clicking rhythmically on the concrete.

And this time Emma didn't follow her.

* * *

...

Everything about Emma's day had sucked so far and it had barely passed four PM. From the aeronautically challenged fly that had committed suicide into her cereal at breakfast, right up until Henry left her alone to wallow in her misery for his regular Thursday night sleepover at Regina's. It sucked.

Sucked, sucked, sucked.

It had been six days since the diner.

Six long days, having to deal with the blatant staring every time she stepped out of the house. With the sad, wounded looks from Hook when they ran into each other outside the town hall. With her Mother's determined effort to put the whole thing behind them and act like none of it ever happened, which Emma might actually be on board with.

At certain points Emma hadn't been sure if she was going to die of embarrassment...or a broken heart.

She hadn't seen Regina; and for the first time in a long while she hadn't gone looking for her either.

The insistent knocking at the door drew her out of her introspection and she hoped fervently that it wasn't Hook as she shuffled to open it. She wasn't ready for more apologies.

But it wasn't Hook.

"_Regina_?!" Emma squeaked, her mouth opening in shock. "What are you doing here? I thought you were with Henry?"

"Henry decided that he wanted to spend the evening with your parents and the baby," Regina said, bypassing Emma and stepping into the loft. "Mostly the baby, in my opinion."

"Right," Emma nodded as she closed the door, still totally off balance. What was Regina doing here? Why now? "So...back to my original question, what are you doing here?"

Regina cleared her throat, her fingers playing nervously with the leather gloves that she held. "I had thought that I would see you at Granny's at some point, or even the sheriff's station...I dropped by a few times this week, but you weren't there."

"No...I took a few days off," Emma shrugged as casually as she could. "I had some vacation days built up. And call me crazy, but the thought of eating at Granny's is not so appealing at the moment. By the way, don't think I didn't notice that you didn't answer my question." She wagged one finger before asking with a sigh, "What do you want, Regina?"

"I...I've been struggling...with the way we left things." Regina admitted, though it looked to Emma as if the words had been painful to say. "I think, perhaps, we should talk about it."

Emma laughed in disbelief. "Um...perhaps not." She walked past Regina and headed for the kitchen in search of a drink, her throat was so dry.

She pulled a water from the fridge and unscrewed the top, drinking it down halfway before she stopped to breathe. All the while Regina watched her carefully.

"Look, Regina, we were drugged...magically drugged, which, who knew, is apparently a _thing_?" Emma twisted and untwisted the cap of the water bottle nervously. "We both know what was said. What is there to talk about?"

"You were drugged."

Emma frowned. "I already said that..."

"No, Emma," Regina stressed. "I mean that _you_ were drugged. _You_ were compelled to tell the truth against your will. I was not."

"Wait, what?" Emma spluttered, her forehead creasing in confusion. "What does _that_ mean?"

Regina sighed. "I protected myself a long time ago from anything as insidious as a truth serum, Emma. The punch had no effect on my ability to lie."

"You could lie?" Emma asked carefully, unsure as to what exactly Regina was trying to tell her.

"I did lie." Regina admitted softly, moving closer to Emma and dropping her gloves onto the table as she passed it.

"I...I.." Emma's head was spinning, she reached for the back of one of the nearest chairs and dropped unceremoniously into it. "I need to sit down," she said, pushing her water bottle away from her.

Regina pulled up another chair and perched on the edge so that she was close enough for Emma to smell her perfume. The same one she had worn that night. Emma had the ridiculous urge to tell her how good she smelled again, but she managed to tamp it down.

"Can we pretend that I'm as stupid as you thought I was when I first came to town...and really spell this out for me, please." Emma rubbed her forehead. "Because, I'm starting to feel like I might be a little bit crazy here."

Normally this would be where Regina playfully insulted her and everything in her world would feel right. But she didn't insult her. She didn't roll her eyes, or make a joke about her lack of brain activity, and there were plenty there for the taking, Emma had thought of three in the last few seconds alone.

Instead, Regina slowly reached for the hand Emma still had pressed against her forehead and pulled it down to cradle it between both of hers on her lap. Her long fingers, smoothing gently over Emma's skin.

"I lied...when I told you that all that you are to me is Henry's other mother," Regina said, her voice cracking on Henry's name.

"You did?" Emma couldn't stop the hopeful question from slipping out.

Regina smiled, before her eyes turned serious again. "I lied because I hated what you had been forced to do. To tell someone how you feel about them should be a choice...it should always be _your_ choice, and I hated that it had been taken from you like that."

"Yeah...can't say I was crazy about it either." Emma scoffed, before she realized another implication of what Regina was telling her. "But, why didn't you tell me? I would have understood. You could have trusted me. Or was that the problem? You still don't trust me?" Emma tried to remove her hand from Regina's but the older woman simply tightened her grasp.

"Oh, Emma," Regina breathed. "Next to Henry...you are the only person in the world that I trust."

"Then help me understand."

"I was scared." Regina admitted honestly. "What I felt for Robin, I don't know if it was love...but it could have been. One day, maybe. Then it was gone." She shook her head as Emma flinched. "And I wanted to hate you for it, those first few weeks...I wanted to hate you more than I wanted him to come back to me. Isn't that strange?" Regina laughed, her voice heavy with emotion. "It took months before I finally understood how that could possibly be. I finally realized, that day on the pier...that maybe it wasn't really losing _him _that I was so broken over, but the idea that I'd lost my second chance."

"Regina..." Emma choked out, reaching up to wipe away the tears that were falling onto her cheek, only to be gently brushed aside by Regina's fingers.

"Shh...it's okay," Regina soothed softly, cupping her hand on Emma's jaw once she had caught the last of the tears. "I realized something else too."

"What?" Emma whispered, unable to look away from this mercurial woman who meant so much to her.

"Your mother was right about something for once," Regina smiled, full and happy. "Sometimes happy endings aren't always what we think they're going to be." She leaned in then, waiting until she saw the small, almost imperceptible, nod of Emma's head to fully close the distance and press her lips gently over the blondes.

"No," Emma said when they parted, her eyes still closed and her fingers clasped loosely hands around Regina's neck. "Sometimes they're better."

And Regina kissed her again.

**The end**


End file.
